Broken Hearted

I wouldn't count this as the worst day of my life because the worst day would always be finding out that my first love was into someone else. This day has been bad enough but I would tuck it away as a scar from yet another good fight. One not of faith but rather for love.

He told me today that we had to stop flirting because he had started dating again. The simples words hit me like a slap and suddenly there I was, confessing that I had started to like him. I don't know what it was in that simple sentence of his that caused me to blurt my whole heart out. I've always told myself that I should always stay collected and stop trying to work hard for the relationship and here I was pouring out my feelings to him in the open. Oh how stupid I must have looked for a moment. But then again, we have our moments.

I was not prepared for this and therefore found everything he said offensive and so I became defensive. Not the smartest way to stay collected but it happened. The details of the conversation I will leave out but the ending of the story was that I felt hurt and suddenly so vulnerable all over again. It was deja vu.

The one part of the conversation that got to me most was when he said, "Did you really think that WE would work out?" My reply was that there was possibilities and that I believed that anything could happen. It wasn't so much the quesiton that got me but rather that way he asked it...it felt like he was sniggering at my thoughts. It hurt. It really did. Sigh...

I've just become so tired of trying to work a relationship...my friends keep telling me I should just let it happen but i've been waiting for 2 years now and still I have not gotten a sign. I've just become so tired...tired of life, love and of being me...

For once, just once, I would like to hear a guy say that I make his day and that I've fought the good fight of love...