Ponderings : Motherhood

I'm currently on leave and taking a breather from work. The break however, is not turning out to be a break because I've had to run around and also plant myself at places with WiFi so that I can do some work. No..not office work but my graduation project work. Yup...my 3 months training is coming to an end. The creative thing about this year's projects is that both the topics are for real clients. The years before, its been a make belief one. This round, it's real. The winning group will actually present to the client.

Ok, I'm digressing. I had to babysit my nephew today because both my parents had plans of their own. I got a taste of what it's like to be a mother today and I think I'm ready to become a one.

I want to be the fun mother that runs around with her kids and falls down laughing with them. The cool mom who dresses in jeans and t-shirt and sneakers. That's the ideal of course. Though I refuse to believe it or admit it, I see my mother in me and I know my children will see me in them in the future.

For A Moment In Time

I went for my first ever photoshoot for an ad campaign yesterday! It was for one of our Clients and it was really last minute but I must say it was worth it. Even if the talent fee that we're getting is not a lot. Even if we had to stay up till 12 something taking shot after shot. Even if I only got so little sleep and had to wake up early for my morning workout. IT WAS WORTH IT!

It was worth the experience! The greater thing about this campaign is that it's not coming out in Malaysia. It's going straight to Hong Kong!

The idea behind the photoshoot was to have a tram full of angry Chinese being squeezed to death in this tram ride. Our set up was a mere rectangular space with a few chairs and a small roof where the supposed hand rails are. In this small space, we had to fit 20 people, young and old. Our only direction was to either stand or sit and give 'pissed off' expressions. Pretty simple? Not really! It was pretty hard to hold that angry face especially since half the talents were colleagues and the other half were friends of colleagues.

That's about it for the shoot. What I really wanted to talk about was the one observation I made for the night. One very incredible observation that binds us human beings together.

Most of us colleagues while the others were strangers to us. But being cramped in that little space and having to pretty much violate all personal space and body parts due to the squeezing, changed our relationships with each other for a moment in time. In that moment of being together in the tiny space, it was as if we had been friends for a long time.

I didn't know the girls standing next to me in one of the shots, but somehow with all the squeezing, pushing and pulling, we found a common ground to be comfortable with each other. After rounds of pictures, it was easy for one to rest her head on my shoulder due to being tired. It was easier for the other girl next to me to put her arm around me and make a joke. It was easier for the gay guy behind me to ruffle my hair! It was easy for all of us to crack jokes amongst ourselves with each shot that was taken.

To me, this was amazing! The idea that people can come together as one without having to know each other. Total strangers who become your closest friends for a moment in time.

I left the studio still not knowing these people that I met. I didn't know their names or their age or what they did for a living, but during those few hours, they were my companions and and most of all, they crossed my path...hopefully leaving something behind.

Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda

It was evident that there was sexual tension between us that night. I coulda let it happen between us. I woulda if he was single. And now I'm thinking maybe I shoulda just let myself go to satisfy the tension between us and my curiosity.

But no...I didn't do it. I couldn't do it. I would have when he was still single a few months ago. But this time, even with the given opportunity, I couldn't. I couldn't do this to a friend. Yes, he's dating a friend of mine.

JAD kissed me that night. He was persistent. I responded at first but then the image of Dr.BadLove appeared in my mind and I was reminded of what I did. I was reminded of that feeling of guilt I had towards his then girlfriend. I didn't like her, but i pittied her.

I started to cry in front of JAD. I couldn't hold back my emotions. I told him I just couldn't be that girl again. He understood and let me go.

The only thing he didn't know was that I also couldn't do it because of the little feelings that I had developed for him...