While waiting to see my dermatologist on Saturday morning, I decided to do a little reading during the wait. I was flipping through the Australian Woman's weekly and I saw this ad for shoes that was just so cool....yet it had some truth to it. The ad was a picture of a woman putting on a pair of what looked like really comfortable shoes and at the bottom was a phrase "Men are like shoes, the ones you fall for aren't always the ones you can live with."
And that has some truth in it. Most of the time, when buying shoes, the beautiful ones attract our eye first and even though we move on to look at other pairs, we can't help but go back to that pair because we're attracted to it. But then we try it on, and its not as comfortable as we perceived it to be. Actually, it's really hurting the toes...but still, we convince ourselves that it'll stretch eventually and it'll be a perfect fit...WRONG! Because a few months down the road, it's still hurting the hell out of your toes!
It's the same with both men and women. We see a hot, sexy thing and we can't help but do a double take at what is most attractive about them. It could have been their looks, legs, those sexy curves or even that nice ass. So we make a move on them. But in the end, we deceived ourselves into thinking it would turn out great because its not and you realize that even though you're still attracted to them, you can't see them living in your future.
It's like what Mr Big said in Sex and The City, season 1, "In the end, you just wanna be with the one that makes you laugh." And thats just it. At the end of the day, even though that person may make you tingle, but if thats all the relationship brings you, then they're not the shoe you're looking for...
"We Belong Together" by Mariah Carey
I didn't mean it
When I said I didn't love you,
so I should have held on tight
I never shoulda let you go
I didn't know nothing
I was stupid,
I was foolish
I was lying to myself
I could not fathom that I would ever
Be without your love
Never imagined I'd be
Sitting here beside myself
Cause I didn't know you
Cause I didn't know me
But I thought I knew everything
I never felt
The feeling that I'm feeling
Now that I don't hear your voice
Or have your touch and kiss your lipsCause I don't have a choiceOh, what I wouldn't giveTo have you lying by my sideRight here, cause baby (We belong together)[chorus]When you left I lost a part of meIt's still so hard to believeCome back baby, pleaseCause we belong togetherWho else am I gon' lean onWhen times get roughWho's gonna talk to me on the phoneTill the sun comes upWho's gonna take your placeThere ain't nobody betterOh, baby baby, we belong togetherI can't sleep at nightWhen you are on my mindBobby Womack's on the radioSaying to me"If you think you're lonely now"Wait a minuteThis is too deep (too deep)I gotta change the stationSo I turn the dialTrying to catch a breakAnd then I hear BabyfaceI only think of youAnd it's breaking my heartI'm trying to keep it togetherBut I'm falling apartI'm feeling all out of my elementI'm throwing things, cryingTrying to figure outWhere the hell I went wrongThe pain reflected in this songIt ain't even half of whatI'm feeling insideI need youNeed you back in my life, baby[chorus]When you left I lost a part of meIt's still so hard to believeCome back baby, pleaseCause we belong togetherWho else am I gon' lean onWhen times get roughWho's gonna talk to me on the phoneTill the sun comes upWho's gonna take your placeThere ain't nobody betterOh, baby baby, we belong together, baby[chorus]When you left I lost a part of me It's still so hard to believe Come back baby, please Cause we belong together Who am I gonna lean on When times get rough Who's gonna talk to meTill the sun comes up Who's gonna take your place There ain't nobody betterOh baby, babyWe belong together
"You need to get over him and move on....God wants you to wait because he knows you have hurts that you have not resolved..."
Easier said than done. My friend, TMT relentlessly went on about my situation the other day saying that I was not letting God do His work in me and that I should get out of my self pitying. Well, here's news for you, I'm not self pitying myself. As I mentioned in my earlier blog, I'm fine with the thought that I'm single and I've come to a point where I have no other choice but to accept it but there are days when you just don't want to accept it and those days can go on for a long time. God knows this. I know he does because I've sat in my room many times telling him about all this.
Is it easy to give up Jack In The Box? No. For you, Swenie, Patience and Joe, you say I should force myself to stop thinking about him and to let him go. I agree. I should. But I'm not like you all, it's not easy for me to let go because like I told you, when he's around, it feels just feel right.
It's just like a drug addcict. They go to rehab and they give up whats most important cold turkey style. It's ok for a few days. But when the want for the drug strikes, it feels like they're dying. They have to take cold showers just to shake off that feeling of wanting the drug. They come out of rehab feeling like they can start anew but there are many cases of them returning to their addiction. Why? Because the feeling is like coming home.
I'm not saying that I'm addicted to Jack In The Box. I'm just saying that thats how it feels for me. I check myself into the relationship rehab telling myself that I can get through this. But there are the bad days and these bad days happen when something or someone reminds me of him. It could be a song or even the smell of the cologne he used to wear. Sometimes those bad moments will just last for a few minutes but there are time when it can go on for a few days.
I admit, it has presented itself as a problem and I am trying my best to finish my rehabilitation. You are right, I do have friends. I have lots. I could ask them out most times and I have asked but only to be turned down. I'm not talking about your one time turn down, Patience. Most times, people who are attached think that their single friends will be fine without them because they probably have other single friends. Newsflash...not true. So those in relationships, please cherish your single friends because it can be hard for them.
TMT, I understand that you don't wanna see me go through life like this, but like you said, I need a guy who will understand that I'm sensitive and that I need a lot of TLC. For a guy who said all this to me, you are clueless then as to how to approach me about the subject. You were harsh and you spoilt my days.
But this is me, don't expect me to just pick up so fast. I'm not built that way. The wounds are deeper than the eye can see and its taking a long time for me to heal. So let me take as much time as I want because God has not presented the right guy yet....so STOP rushing me.
Sometimes, when I look at my girlfriends who are in relationships and I think of the ups and downs that they tell me about..."my boyfriend is into Dota"..."it feels as if I'm doing all the work"...he wants to focus on his career"....I can't help but feel relieved that I'm not in one. It's funny....men are always questioning why we women behave the way we do but the thing is, some guys act like girls...So why is it so hard to figure us out?
But though I feel relieved that I don't have to put up with my guy's addiction to PS 2, there is still a longing inside of me that wants to feel the happy tinggles of a relationship. I'm not complaining that I'm not happy being single but there are times when that feeling just arises. I think it surfaces even more often when I'm not out with my friends.
You see, most...well more like practically all my girlfriends are attached to someone at this time of their lives...gone are our single days of going out and having a good time. And it dawned on me that even though I'm still young and there's still time, I don't have the freedom to call them up to go dancing because they're bound to have plans...usually involving their boyfriends. Of course it feels nice if they asked me to come along...but I always end up feeling like the wild flower at the end...
Take last Saturday for instance, instead of getting dressed in the evening to go out, I stayed in my comfy boxers and and old t-shirt to watch old vcd's alone. How fun...To make things worse, I went to bed at 10.30 because there was nothing else for me to do. Instead of feeling single and fabulous, I felt old and alone. And as much as I have forced myself to not think of Jack In The Box, I have and I did. I missed the tingles that he gave me from just saying 'hello'.
I made a joke out my situation with my girlfriends yesterday because they caught me oggling my dance teacher....I said,"while others are making a choice to fast and give up relationships to be single, I'm in a famine....so give me a break...
Though I'm in a famine, please don't send me anonymous advertisements to introduce me to some dating service....
This is the outcome of my much thought about navel piercing.
It is yet another one of those first days for me. I started at my new job yesterday. What is it about first days? They make you nervous and jittery and its such a terrible feeling.
Anyways, my first day at work, I arrived nice and early. I had to wait for quite a while because in the advertising world, people never seem to arrive at work on the dot. So I waited. In the midst of waiting, people started sauntering into the office and i felt totally weird because when you're the new girl, everyone seems to look at you with a whole lot of curiosity. While sitting there and waiting, a friend of mine walked in. It was quite a shock. I never knew she had started working. All this while, I still had the impression she was studying. Oh well...now there's two of us...it's nice to see a familiar face in an office of hundred over people.
I've been learning a lot in the last two days. It is totally different from work in Cancerlink. Give me at least 2 weeks...then I'll let you know if I like it here.
OK, I did mention in one of my blogs that I must definitely get my navel piercing done by June or else someone should just shoot me. Well, it's way past June but before you make your move, I have news for you, I did it yesterday! I finally overcame that fear of the needle going through my skin and did it.
Some of you will probably say, "Jeez...you've got so many piercings on your ear, what's another one through your navel?" Or even the question my brother posed to me yesterday when I told him about it..."Gee, its really nothing isn't it?" Here are some comments I got yesterday from my friends, some of you may identify your comments:-
"Yay! Andrea did it!"
"Aiya...working la...can't kay po...dang!"
No, No...I didn't tell the whole world about it...ok...almost...but they were mostly people that I had been talking about it to.
OK, here's the thing...piercing my ears...not a problem at all...it'll only hurt for a while. I would have gotten my piercing done a long time ago if it wasn't for that one time where I witnessed a tongue piercing. After I saw how the needle goes through and stays there for a few seconds before the guy puts the stud in, I chickened out big time. So I've been working my motivation skills overtime just to coax myself to do and yesterday, I just said to myself...."stop thinking about it and just do it for crying out loud!"
See...thats the thing with humans...we're always thinking about it before doing something. It can be good and yet at the same time..thinking too much about everything hinders us from doing the things that we want to do...take me for instance...Before I got the job that I'm about to start, I called them up to ask about the vacancy and they said that they were in the midst of confirming someone but that I should still send it in anyway...I thought about it and then I just gave up. The thing is, I shouldn't have thought about it but just send in my resume. Thank God for the lady that works there. She called me up and asked me to send it so that they could be sure they were making the right choice. If I didn't just do it, I think I would still be unemployed today.
I'm not saying we should just take the jump everytime an opportunity rises. We can deliberate about it but if its so trivial...then what in the world are we waiting for????
I finally packed up my things from Cancerlink. Yesterday was my last day and yet I had to work till the last bit. That didn't bother me much because I knew that it would be the last of working for people who do charity for the sake of name.
I must say though, that my experience there has been a good one. I've learnt so much more about people and I've had a wonderful working experience with some of them. But if you asked me to go back there, I would defintely have to say NO! Once is enough for me to stay away!
I'm just gonna spend the next few days at home lazing, reading and spending some me time before I move on oto bigger things. Yup..I'm starting work at my new place next week and I'm a little nervous as to how things would be there. I'm hoping for the best. Well...Wish me luck!
By the way, God...Thank you for teaching to persevere and to have faith that you know best!