Jack in the Box

I'm in college waiting for my next class and I can't help but feel this uneasy feeling in me about a certain someone. My ex ( we'll call him 'jack in the box') and I did not break up in the best terms but we're still friends today. I've always kept a soft spot for him and that has caused me to have a on and off thing with him.

Now my problem is that there is a girl in my class who works in the bar that he frequents and somehow I got this feeling that she considered him more than just adorable. I know I shouldn't feel this way because we are a thing in the past but is it possible to have feelings of possesiveness towards someone you've known for a while. I mean, she's only known him for like 5 minutes but he and I go a long way back and we have history...On some days I'm happy that our relationship never continued but there are times when I miss him and when I call him to let him know that, he doesn't seem to care. It's like he's become this whole new different person altogether...he's not the same guy who used to call me to pester me to go out with him or the guy who used to call me and stay on the line listening to me typing my assignment. From looking for a girl he could love, he's become the guy who just wants a one night stand. That's why I call him 'Jack in the Box' because a whole new side has popped up and I don't seem to know how to handle this new side.

Sometimes I feel like crying at the fact that he's not the guy I used to know. It scares me that I've lost a guy to a lost world. If only he would realize that he is worth it. If only he would realize that there are people who care about him and still love him. More importantly, if only he would realize that like me, he is a jar of clay that needs God's potter hands to mould him.

Cynical??

A friend commented on my dreaminess about relationships with fairy tale endings just a while ago..in his cynical ways...he made me look at it from another point of view...his view...(no offence Will, u are cynical but love u all the same) It got me thinking about how we view relationships and looking for the ONE.

After failed relationships and taking time to heal, I have to agree with Will that I too have become cynical. I may not portray it here but I have. Even my friends tell me that I'm too cynical for my own good. But I think about it and I find that I have every right to feel the way Will feels. He's had his fair share of bad relationships and I too have had my share of tears.

True, Carrie and friends all find love at the end of season 6 but what about the episodes that talk about them having to deal with relationship failure. Isn't that somehow real to us? I mean, take the whole ending with Aidan. Yes, it did seem a little fast for Carrie to move on but she did grieve for a while. What about the time she broke up with Mr. Big? There was some emotion in there.

I agree that being cynical helps with self-preservation but one must have some hope and faith that that person is out there....maybe we're just looking too hard. I have become cynical in some ways, I don't deny it...I find myself pulling myself away all the time...but I have faith....

A combination of me in the last few years 

Love or money??

I'm taking Public Speaking this semester and one of the topics that we were given for impromptu speech was love or money, whis is more important? This has got me thinking about the kind of situation that it puts people in. In my honest opinion, I think both are important!

Love is a many splendid thing...thats when you're in love! Without love, relationships never survive. I mean, think of it this way, if you were in a relationship just for the fun but with no love, would you be able to stand by that person after a while? The answer is no! There is no way a relationship can survive on just fun. Love is the key that holds it together. Say what you want, but I'm a hopeless romantic and I believe that without love, we're nobody.

Money for some people is the key to all happiness. In some sense, yes it is...I'm in a situation in my life where I'm in need of both. I'm single as ever can be and looking for that one guy and the financial situation leaves me to worry as well.

My last relationship was 2 years ago and it didn't end the way I wanted it to. I still miss him but it's quite clear he doens't feel the same so *dramatic sigh* ...life goes on! Financially, I'm in a rut. My dad retired early this year and therefore that leaves only my mom to bring home money. I stopped working part time due to the school schedule...so that leaves me with nothing but worries about my family.

But I realize that life is like that, we need to move through the bad to learn the good and if I just keep persevering, I will make it. In terms of love and money, we really need both these days. There is no doubt about it.

L.O.V.E

I sat watching reruns of Sex and the City and the one thought in my mind was..Would life end up the way it did with the four of them? YEs, it's true that 3/4 of the seasons, the girls spent much of their time in fun, sharing the joys of a relationship and then the pains of it...but at the end, they all end up with someone. Charlotte ended with the bald guy (what's his name again?), Miranda ended up with Steve, Carrie ended up with Mr. Big and even Samantha ended up with a dude. But in real life, would we all find somebody or are some of us destined to roam the earth alone?

I've been through my share of liking someone and being in a relationship. I can't quite put it all in words but it's a mix of emotions and if it were a picture, it would consist of an array of colors. One color for every feeling ever felt.

Yes, it true, i may still be young but i'm old fashhioned and a 5 year plan is still my thing. But at the rate that i'm going, it looks like i'll have to throw the 5 year plan out because 5 years may just be a little too long. I look at some of my friends and who only find love at th ag of 28 and i think to myself, i'm not that bad off after all. I may feel like giving up hope sometimes but i'm still a hopeless romantic and i still have faith. Do You?

My first blog!

I'll be honest with you...this is my 1st blog ever...The thought of having my heart poured out in the open is a really scarry thing! Everyone knows whats going on in my life!!!! Then again, i wouldn't be called a drama queen for no reason. Oh well, i'm hoping to try this out and see.