The Real Me

I've never really thought about how I would react when my faith was put on the line till the other day. My boss' friend came to the shop for a tarot card reading session. I have never liked the idea of having to base my life on a piece of card but here she was, ready to even do my reading. My boss tried to persuade me because according to her, she was gonna start session in the shop and I needed to know about it just in case customers enquired. I refused. They tried persuading me for 20 minutes but I kept refusing. I was saved by the bell when a customer walked in and needed to be served. Deep in my heart, I was praying the whole time, asking God to keep me strong in my faith. And he did.

Later, I went off to watch a movie and when I came back, my boss asked me why I refused the reading. And I gave her 3 reasons. The first was that I did not want to put my faith on compromise. The second was because I didn't need cards to tell me what kind of mess my life is in currently and I didn't need cards to give me a solution because I trusted that God would provide me with reminders about my life and give me solutions to help me solve my problems. And my third reason was that I didn't want it to be a distraction in my life. I'm the type of person where I'll think about what was said to me over and over again untill it bothers me. So those were the reasons I gave her and I thank God that she was understanding enough to leave the subject at that. But she did confess later that she took a card for me.

My card revealed a lot about me according to her. The card revealed that I was hurt by men before and it was a bad one that I have never really gotten over the hurt. And because of this hurt, I have secretly kept my distance from men. It also revealed that I was not very into sharing with my parents and I chose the people I wanted to share things with.

I didn't know whether to cry or laugh because all that was revealed was somehow true. This was so feaky!

I did keep this certain grudge against men because of getting hurt. It's not that I hate men but I do have some form of hatred for them because of what I have been through. The thing is, I may sound like I'm totally blaming the men for it but I do blame myself for lettting myself get hurt and I do blame myself for never getting over it. It is also true that I hardly share with my parents about what's going on in m life and it is true that I choose the people I want to shared my deepest thoughts with.

You must be thinking by now.."then what the heck is she sharing in her blog??" Well, my friend, what I share here is only half of what I really feel inside. It is true that only a certain few know what I really feel. It is true that only a few know how much I've cried over the spilled milk in my life.

But even with all these things happening in my life, I still will stand my ground when it comes to my faith and I do trust God to bring me out of my hurts and I do trust that he will guide me and carry me through.I trust Him...