It's been a while since I wrote anything..I've been so busy and buried in things to do that going online has not been a joy. First I was away at dance camp..yeah sounds so 'Bring it on' but it's true...I was one of the dance trainers. After 9 days of stress and dancing...it was getting ready for Christmas. Christmas was ok. Had friends over for lunch and then went to a friends place but i preferred it to be quiet.I've sent out my CV to a few companies and am waiting for replies...and yesterday, I got one and so my first ever interview will be next week!Sigh...I don't know if I can handle the panic!
I've never really thought about how I would react when my faith was put on the line till the other day. My boss' friend came to the shop for a tarot card reading session. I have never liked the idea of having to base my life on a piece of card but here she was, ready to even do my reading. My boss tried to persuade me because according to her, she was gonna start session in the shop and I needed to know about it just in case customers enquired. I refused. They tried persuading me for 20 minutes but I kept refusing. I was saved by the bell when a customer walked in and needed to be served. Deep in my heart, I was praying the whole time, asking God to keep me strong in my faith. And he did.
Later, I went off to watch a movie and when I came back, my boss asked me why I refused the reading. And I gave her 3 reasons. The first was that I did not want to put my faith on compromise. The second was because I didn't need cards to tell me what kind of mess my life is in currently and I didn't need cards to give me a solution because I trusted that God would provide me with reminders about my life and give me solutions to help me solve my problems. And my third reason was that I didn't want it to be a distraction in my life. I'm the type of person where I'll think about what was said to me over and over again untill it bothers me. So those were the reasons I gave her and I thank God that she was understanding enough to leave the subject at that. But she did confess later that she took a card for me.
My card revealed a lot about me according to her. The card revealed that I was hurt by men before and it was a bad one that I have never really gotten over the hurt. And because of this hurt, I have secretly kept my distance from men. It also revealed that I was not very into sharing with my parents and I chose the people I wanted to share things with.
I didn't know whether to cry or laugh because all that was revealed was somehow true. This was so feaky!
I did keep this certain grudge against men because of getting hurt. It's not that I hate men but I do have some form of hatred for them because of what I have been through. The thing is, I may sound like I'm totally blaming the men for it but I do blame myself for lettting myself get hurt and I do blame myself for never getting over it. It is also true that I hardly share with my parents about what's going on in m life and it is true that I choose the people I want to shared my deepest thoughts with.
You must be thinking by now.."then what the heck is she sharing in her blog??" Well, my friend, what I share here is only half of what I really feel inside. It is true that only a certain few know what I really feel. It is true that only a few know how much I've cried over the spilled milk in my life.
But even with all these things happening in my life, I still will stand my ground when it comes to my faith and I do trust God to bring me out of my hurts and I do trust that he will guide me and carry me through.I trust Him...
I've started work again...it's not the most glamorous job but at least it pays and what's even better is that Vivian pretty much lets us do what we want in the shop as long as chores are completed. Another thing I love about the shop is that no matter how noisy it is outside, it's always somehow quieter in the shop. It gives out this peaceful feeling. With some music on and a nice hot drink in my little corner, I'm most satisfied.
But I"m not goona talk about the shop. I'm gonna tell you about intuition. Ha! That's what some of you may be thinking but I tell you, it works with me all the time. Yesterday, the thought of Adrian (the guy who works opposite) kept coming to my mind. Even when I was busy with a customer, he was there in my thoughts. The one thought that I kept getting was 'I'm gonna see him'. My friend, I haven't seen him in weeks and I know from my colleagues that he hasn't come to work in the last month. But this thought was just there in my head the whole time yeaterday.
Here comes the freaky part, just as I was about to continue with whatever I was doing after serving a customer, something made me look opposite and there he was, walking into the shop! Yes, that's right, he came!
I don't believe in this whole intuition thing but it has happened to me a few times and I"m starting to think that maybe women do have intuition. Laugh all you want, but I'm telling you, I really think that women have intuition. That magical gut feeling that something is gonna happen....you don't know when, but you know it's gonna happen. I't s weird but then when it happens, how do you explain that you knew it was going to happen. And the funny thing is, people won't believe that you knew it was going to happen. So how do you convince them? Maybe you can't...that's why it's called intuition...hmmmm....
It's been a while since I last put my thoughts down. I have been busy with assignments and final exams and now it's all over. In many ways I should be happy and thankful that it's all finally over but yet, there is a part of me that misses all that stress and worry. I think the major reason for this feeling is that when I put down my pen after calculating the last figures of my accounting paper, the one thought that ran through my mind is that it's all over. This was the day I had been waiting for for such a longime and now it's finally here...the day I leave college to start a new life (better hope I pass that darn research paper).
I think what I'll miss most about college is the people. I've met my share of people that have some how made a way to my heart and my life. As much as we sometimes try to block people out, it's never possible because I always believe that the people we meet are there for a reason. People cross our paths as God's way of teaching us vertain lessons. I've had my fair share of disappointment in friends but yet I know that I must not dwell in the disappointment but rather take it as a lesson to be learnt. But life in college isn't only about disappointment, it's also about fun and getting to know yourself better. It's also seeing a prt of you that you never thought you had (in a good way).
Throughout the four long years, I've had to put up with bad group mates, people that I find annoying, intimidating people,trust issues and patience. It has been hard at times but the lesson I learnt from all this is that 'what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger' and I believe it. Life in college hasn't killed me yet but it has sure taught me to be stronger and to stand firm even when I felt like I was falling.
Next year will be a whole new year and a whole new chapter altogether. I have my worries about not getting a job that I want or getting the job I want but I hate it the moment I start. I have my worries about bad bosses or bad colleagues. But I trust that God knows my heart and my desires and will provide a job that he sees best for me.