What's Wrong With Me??

I have officially been in the work force for 1 week and 3 days. The first 5 days was the experience of my life. There was nothing to do and I thought I would just die at the thought of having to go through another day of not doing anything. But since then, things have changed. The workload of the event that the foundation is preparing for has come in and I have not been able to sit still for even 5 minutes. There have been nights when I only eat dinner at 10 p.m. Some of you reading this must be thinking, "What is she talking about?? That's normal!" But yes...I have experienced the late hours already and I won't complain much...at least there'll be money coming in at the end of this month.

I may not open my mouth about this and I may always give a hopeful smile, but there is one question that bothers me every night before I shut my eyes..."What happens after my two months is up?"

Yes, my friends....I may not say it but this question bothers me everyday. Everyday, I wait for my phone to ring hoping that it's a potential employer calling. I check my mail everyday hoping to find something from the companies that I've sent my CV to. I check the classifieds too but it's always to no avail...

I may not say it but it has become a very depressing issue for me...I look at my circle of friends and they all have steady jobs...the question that hits me is "Am I not as good as them?" "What do they have that I don't?"

All I want to do is bring home the bread for my family...my parents have worked long enough for the family...it's now my turn...but I just keep getting turned down. All I want is to do the right thing for my family. Some say it's a big responsibility that I'm taking on but sometimes my friends fail to realize that their parents still have a few more years...whereas my parents are both over the retiring age and therefore somebody else needs to start taking care of them. So my friends, when I turn down an invitation to go somewhere expensive, it doesn't mean that I don't wanna go but that I have to think of where the money is gonna come from.

What is it that I'm doing that is not right? I dress well for interviews, I'm polite and respectful, I answer all the questions as best that I can...but yet I just keep getting turned down. How much more rejection will I have to go through before I finally settle down???

Lord, give me the strength to press on and to have faith...because I'm losing it...