Defence Mechanisms

I recently met this guy, let's call him KH (his initials). I was minding my own business doing my work when i got a request from yahoo messenger. Not thinking, I added the guy. He introduced himself and I got to know that he's actually a friend of SexyIsabel's.

We got to talking and getting to know each other...sort of. Long story. He being the one who wanted to make friends, and me being asian and very aware, my defences and the invisible wall were up. I don't know what happen, maybe a part of me softened but my wall came down and he stepped into my confort zone and now we're playing the tug of war of going out to meet. According to SexyIsabel, I've met him but thing is, I don't remember.

I am interested to meet up but yet, the part of me that has been hurt by acquaintances like these is keeping me from stepping forward. Yes, I had a bad experience with getting to know a guy before meeting him. He acted so much like a boyfriend and then we met, that was the last time I heard from him. Long story short, I wasn't what he expected (skinny, pretty chinese girl).

Now back to KH. Well, KH wants to meet up and I'm trying to delay as long as possible because
of my past. And so it has been a tug of war between me and him for the last two days.

My conversation with him just now left me sore. He said, "you push and you pull. It's a no wonder you don't have a boyfriend."

ouch -_-
He hit the spot where it hurts most but I realize he's right. I have the tendency to do that often when I feel that I'm getting too close to a guy. This tendency is becoming a habit. A habit that has become a defence mechanism so that I don't get hurt.
I've done this to a few guys. I've pulled and then pushed when I realized that I was going to get hurt. He's right whether I like it or not...

I do like a certain someone now and I think I'm doing the same thing but not on a conscious level because on the outside, we're really good friends. If only I could just pull him in and keep him in....