Losing Grip

It's been 7 months since I came out of college...And still I haven't found a job. I am still working part time with Cancerlink. I'm not working there because I want to, it's just for the money.

In the last 6 months, I have gone for countless interviews. For some companies, I have pulled through right until the very last interview and then at the 11th hour, I get turned down. I have sent in countless resumes and CV's to various companies but only to my disappointment.

All the friends that I know have been working and seem to be liking what they're doing...Just last night, when I sent a friend a message, she wrote back saying she loved her job to the max. Imagine how I felt when I got her reply. I'm happy for her, really, I am. But at the same time, I can't help but feel angry because I keep asking myself, "Why can't it be me?" Everyone else around me seems to have a steady job while I'm still out there looking. I feel screwed up! Everyone seems to be happy except me....trust me, I'm not happy at all. The exterior that you see is just a face. Deep down inside, I'm losing faith in myself and in everything else.

I feel alone...so alone. I have so many friends...but yet I feel so alone because they're all too busy....I sometimes think of calling them up so that I can let out some frustration...just as I'm about to dial their number, I hang up because I remember that they don't have time to hear me out....so I just keep it in again. I mean no offence to my friends, but this is how I'm feeling right now.

I got an offer yesterday. I should be happy right? But the truth is, I'm not....I got a job offer for something that I'm not inerested to do...And I have to stay with the company for a year due to paying back for the training provided in Singapore. Everyone will probably say take it anyway to get the experience. But the thing is, what kind of experience am I gonna get from this chidlren's learning programme? How is it going to help me in the areas of writing for women's magazines or even in PR? How is it that I always seem to get these kinds of jobs????

God, you told me to trust you and to learn to relax, but I'm losing faith in you and I'm losing faith in myself. Please lift me up from all these burdening feelings....