I Am A Cynicaholic

Hi, my name is Andrea and I'm a cynicaholic. I confess this because I acknowledge that my faith in God and in man has begun to dwindle down to the size of a pea. It is not easy for me to admit this, but here I am in all my flaws.

I have been going through a down cycle with God for about 2 years now. Many people have come my way and have tried to pull me back onto the right path. I thank them for their efforts. You know who you are. I have tried to take their hand but I have found myself drifting further away from the right and moving to the wrong.

God has worked some things in my life which I could stand and testify His power then, but yet, now I find myself wondering if those moments were real and if I could still do the same.

There are many questions that linger and continue to plague me concerning my faith and my status in God's book. I find that I cannot fully trust and blindly follow Him and so this is where I am and this is the road I must now take.

I wish that God would just tell me the answers to my questions instead of making me wait for them or wonder what he's trying to tell me. But...I know that that would never happen. And so my quest for answers continues and my time out of God continues as well.

People who know what is going on with me personally and those who don't have been reaching out to me through sms and email. Thank you for your effort. Today, the gift of a song was sent to me via email by LittleMels. You have found the most perfect song for me and so I publish it here for all who are in the same boat as I am or find yourself going down the road alone...


God Is God - by Steven Curtis Chapman

And the pain falls like a curtain
On the things I once called certain
And I have to say the words I fear the most
I just don't know

And the questions without answers
Come and paralyze the dancer
So I stand here on the stage afraid to move
Afraid to fall, oh, but fall I must
On this truth that my life has been formed from the dust

God is God and I am not
I can only see a part of the picture He's painting
God is God and I am man
So I'll never understand it all
For only God is God

And the sky begins to thunder
And I'm filled with awe and wonder
'Til the only burning question that remains
Is who am I

Can I form a single mountain
Take the stars in hand and count them
Can I even take a breath without God giving it to me
He is first and last before all that has been
Beyond all that will pass

God is God and I am not
I can only see a part of the picture He's painting
God is God and I am man
So I'll never understand it all
For only God is God

Oh, how great are the riches of His wisdom and knowledge
How unsearchable for to Him and through Him and from Him are all things

So let us worship before the throne
Of the One who is worthy of worship alone